This line came from the movie, "Jerry Maguire", spoken by Tom Cruise's character when he is telling Rene Zellweger how he really needed and loved her.
HOWEVER . . . this romantic notion of finding someone to finish our undone stuff – or to complete it – is false! So why make a point of it? Because many people believe it is true. They wait to find the perfect mate. They pass up many good potential mates. The need to find someone to change the way they feel inside is so great, the wrong choice is made. The man chooses the prettiest or sexiest woman in the room; the woman chooses the most charismatic or the richest or most powerful man
But from a therapist point of view – many times those attitudes can block the person from developing into a more personally fulfilled satisfied person. Many of us have heard of a woman, who is beautiful but who overdoes plastic surgery. Or we have heard of the rich powerful man, who uses it as a defense and as an excuse to not develop deeper relationships. Many times those people have been generally been favored, because of these attributes, and without realizing it these can lead to a sense of entitlement or to the feeling that they should get what they want.
At first that person, who was chosen seemed just right, or right enough. But over time when each person starts to feel their life is just not fulfilled (because none of those things really fulfill)– one or both of the couple looks at the other person and believes, “You’re the problem I’m not fulfilled. . . if it wasn’t for you I could have found my potential.” Both people in that relationship know that they can always trade on those commodities, and they can justify it to their self by deciding they just have chosen the wrong person to marry.
Many times this romantic notion comes from the entertainment field – especially romantic movies. It can start with both people really despising each other, but as they have to work through a mutual problem – they start to see the better side of the other. “It Happened One Night” with Carry Grant comes to mind – but so do most of the romantic comedies of the last twenty years. Suddenly at the end of the movie all the little (or even huge) personality differences are overcome and everyone lives happy ever after. Well most of us know – it just isn’t so!
As I wrote in “If it ain’t broke” authentic living relationships take work and maintenance, just like any other living thing. Stay tuned for steps you can take to maintain a good relationship or recover an ailing one.