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  • crystalnash6

"I Have to Tell the Truth!!"

I have not only heard this said in therapy, but in common conversation by those, who want to talk about how they experience something. They speak with authority, explaining exactly why something or someone is good or bad in their eyes and why everyone should agree with them, because that is the truth! And they look for empathy and sympathy.

A good listener (the therapist or another) should listen and follow carefully every detail of the experience, and note how deep the wound may be. There needs to be time to empathize and validate that person’s feelings.

Although a person truly has those feelings, they are not the truth. They are an expression of the result of an experience. Many times the judgment that comes with those feelings is due to the way the speaker interprets that experience.

This occurs in couple’s therapy. One person will blame the other for not meeting their expectation. However, when one can step outside their own experience, and look at the other’s experience –there is another part of the story. It is not always the black and white or the simple definition. (Those, who can never look at their own actions may be narcissistic in nature.)

That is one reason to come to therapy, to be able to get a more complete perspective. “Is there something that I do that leads to the results I get? Why do I always end up feeling bad?”

This is a hard place to look, if one is looking for someone to blame. “Because if it isn’t the other person’s fault, then are you telling me –that I’m to blame and I got what I deserved???”

No. Therapy is not about assigning the blame. Therapy is about finding the pattern, and looking to see if there is another way of being that leads to results that I desire.

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